The Style Invitational Week 953 Clue Us In
By Pat Myers
It’s another of our
backward-crosswords: We give you the filled-in grid to a puzzle that’s already
run in The Post — this one’s by Bob Klahn of the CrosSynergy syndicate — and
you come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in
the grid. We left the numbers out so we could make the letters bigger in the
print paper; you don’t need them, anyway. (Here’s a link to this week’s
printable grid.) Our usual limit of 25 entries per person remains in effect.
The clues should be very brief but don’t have to be quite as short as required
for a real crossword. Here’s a link to the results of the last backward
crossword we did.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a double prize of two
sets of playing cards: from Jeff Contompasis, Tupac cards featuring photos of
“one of the best-selling hip-hop artist of all time,” and — all the way from
England courtesy of Ann Martin — Plop Trumps, “50 stunning photos of poo like
you’ve never seen before.” (See the photo below of one of the less gross cards
in the poop deck.)
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Jan. 17;
results published Feb. 5 (Feb. 3 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant
per week. Include “Week 953” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week is by Tom
Witte; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Gary Crockett. Join
the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook.
Report from Week 949, in which we asked for analogies in the “A is to B as C is to D” form:
Not too surprisingly, we got a lot of entries about the presidential
candidates.
The winner of the Inker
Joe Biden is to Dick Cheney
as Igor is to Iago. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
2. Winner of the “Magic
Energy Breathspray” and “Really Positive Energy Breathspray”: Washington is to
Baltimore as an air kiss is to a hickey. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)
3. Justin Bieber is to music
as Barney is to paleontology. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)
4. Middle age is to vanity as
windshield is to bug. (Scott Poyer, Annapolis, Md.)
As kissing is to sister: Honorable mentions
Jon Stewart is to Bill
O’Reilly as a whoopee cushion is to a fart. (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)
Euro is to Europe as screw is
to screwup. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Demonstrator is to spring as
dictator is to fall. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Snow is to beautiful as your
street is to plowed. (Barr Weiner, Washington, a First Offender)
“Team building” is to fun as
“family holiday gathering” is to love. (Mairzy Salander, Arlington, Va., a
First Offender)
The justice system is to
justice as doxy is to orthodoxy. (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)
Bethesda drivers are to the
rules of the road as the Shoe Bomber was to foot health. (Peter Jenkins)
Canada is to the United
States as a dialogue coach is to a porn actor. (Scott Weinstein, Montreal)
Watching women’s indoor
volleyball is to watching women’s beach volleyball as watching Irish dancing is
to watching pole dancing. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
VDOT is to traffic as M.C.
Escher is to architecture. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
The federal government is to
Social Security as Cruella De Vil is to pet-sitting. (Craig Dykstra)
Being a Redskins fan is to
the Super Bowl as being Jewish is to Christmas. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Students are to frat parties
as slugs are to beer. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
A man is to a woman as a
multiple-choice test is to an essay exam. (Mardy Grothe, Southern Pines, N.C.,
a First Offender)
Facebook is to book as cowpie
is to pie. (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)
Beer is to beer bellies as
muffins are to muffin tops. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Utah is to jazz as Los
Angeles is to lakes. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)
Holidays are to restful as
family is to elsewhere. (Barr Weiner)
Your mama’s nose is to her
face as the Washington Monument is to the District of Columbia. (Robert
Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Liberal Republican is to
conservative Republican as Mitt Romney is to Mitt Romney. (John Glenn, Tyler,
Tex.)
President Obama is to
leadership as Barney Fife is to law enforcement. (Kirk Conover, Columbia, Md.,
a First Offender)
Mitt Romney is to flip-flops
as Herman Cain is to sneakers. (Steve Gorman, Falls Church, Va., a First
Offender)
Mitt Romney is to $10,000 as
Rick Perry is to one execution. (Gary Crockett)
Hurricane is to Herman Cain
as wind is to windbag. (Harold Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)
Eye of newt is to gourmet
cooking as mouth of Newt is to uplifting political discourse. (Paul Burnham)
Tea Party is to serious
political discourse as T-shirts are serious political discourse. (Doug Frank,
Crosby, Tex.)
White chocolate is to
chocolate as rainbow trout is to a rainbow. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
The 112th Congress is to
effective legislation as John Cage is to ad jingles. (Stephen Smith, Fairfax,
Va.)
Bankers are to investment
strategy as lemmings are to travel plans. (Dale Hample, Silver Spring, Md.)
Elin Nordegren with a golf
club is to Tiger Woods as dozens of professionals with golf clubs are to Tiger
Woods. (Gregory Koch, Storrs, Conn.)
Dan Snyder is to the Redskins
as that statue of the little boy is to that fountain in Brussels. (Craig
Dykstra)
A leaf blower is to
neighborhood tranquillity as “Deep Throat” is to family movie night. (Kevin
Dopart)
A hand on a Bible is to a
politician’s honesty as truck nuts are to a driver’s virility. (Larry Gray,
Union Bridge, Md.)
Vegemite is to food as poison
is to food. (Jeff Contompasis) [Watch this video!]
Obama holding office is to
Democrats as Lucy holding football is to Charlie Brown. (Judy Blanchard, Novi,
Mich.)
Newt Gingrich is to Mitt
Romney as “Wig Trenching” is to “Mr. Minty Toe.” (Craig Dykstra)
Mormons having multiple wives
is to Mitt Romney as Catholics having one wife is to Newt Gingrich. (Roy
Ashley, Washington)
Rick Santorum is to politics
as santorum is to the English language. (Dixon Wragg)
Michele Bachmann is to Sarah
Palin as Farmer Barbie is to Lumberjack Barbie. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Fox News is to journalism as
Donald Trump’s hair is to hair. (Melissa Balmain)
The Republican hopefuls are
to hope for the Republic as Ritz and Lunchables are to lunch at the Ritz.
(Larry Gray)
Know-it-all is to contempt as
pleonast is to opprobrium. (Scott Poyer)
Date Lab is to Washington
Post Magazine as bacon is to BLT. (Emily Cumberland, Washington, a First
Offender)
And Last:
“The Thinker” is to the Inker as Edwin Newman is to Alfred E. Neuman. (Mike
Gips, Bethesda)
Next week: Of All the Nerve! or Gall Tales